Writing practice: more metaphors/imagery
The next line in Richard III : “And all the clouds that lowered upon our house In the deep bosom of the ocean buried.”
First, he should have written “Are in the deep bosom…” or something like that, since what he wrote leaves out the predicate (I think that’s what it’s called). Also, deep bosom is redundant – it’s the ocean, so its bosom is of course deep.
My tears of ink have marked this journals’ page And given…
Ok, something about tears as an outlet for overwhelming emotion so that we can move past the moment and be emotionally calmer and an analogy to ink stains on the page as an outlet of our minds for expression of emotion so we can be emotionally calmer.
Kenning: embers of the hands. Great metaphor.
tears of ink is bad – inky tears is better, but still too literal. tears as condensed emotion. condensed clouds of emotion. too literal, but in the right direction. black ink on white paper is condensed thought.
say no human action is taken without a preceding thought, conscious or unconscious. so all human action is condensed thought. but still too literal. how many people have written that tears are condensed emotion, like clouds condensing to rain. so, so literal. you have to identify the true nature of a thing, and then of another thing, and then you can create a metaphor to tie them together.
what is a tear? take away the adjectives and adverbs, just look at the nouns and verbs. when the pressure gets too high, thought condenses to tears and they’re released, reducing the pressure. but they seed more condensation until the pressure is sufficiently low that no more tears are produced.
so what is vengeance? condensed rage? but that could also be simple violence. vengeance is something more nuanced than simple violence.